Afterlife Amateur Gifts

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

Tell me father, why do only 10 of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.

'Whe they said 'God is my Judge', I didn't realize He was a real attorney.'

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

'Before you can enter, you need to punch in the verification code so we can be certain that you're a real soul,'

Devil's food cake/Angel's food cake. Delivery mix-up.

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Just one more question before I let you in...I can let you in...are you a cat or dog person?"

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"It's true: no more burpees."

"Needs to get a life"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"All we have left is standing room only."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

The Reaper's Arms

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

'This is way better than a litter box.'

Halo Frisbee.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

I used to love coming here. Nudist beach.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

Get out of the way, Harold - I'm trying to talk to Cuddles.

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."

'You sloth and gluttony guys have it easy -- I'm here for envy!'

"That's Bob. He's a bit of a wing nut."