Afterlife Amateur Pillows

"We had special places in hell but what with the influx of baby boomers we're putting people wherever we can."

Tell me father, why do only 10 of women go to heaven? Because if they all went, it would be hell.

'...We apologise for any inconvenience this may cause..."

"Surgery up here is free!"

"Needs to get a life"

'Of course homosexuality is not a sin, handsome.'

"If you get to the pitchfork-shaped cloud, you've gone too far."

"It's true: no more burpees."

"We can't Sunday. We've been invited to 'you know who's' skybox."

Hang on...I've got WINGS..!!!

"All we have left is standing room only."

A surprise in heaven

'We've re-branded.'

'I'm being sent back. I told you I have a great attorney.'

"I do tech support for the cloud."

'What he said about judgement day is scary. Maybe we should find a good lawyer.'

'I knew if we waited long enough, heaven would downsize.'

'Pre-existing conditions - What did YOU die of?'

The Reaper's Arms

"Is this what I want to be doing with my death?"

Halo Frisbee.

"I honored her every request except for the last one: 'Harold, please stop making a scene'."

Saint Peter will sometimes put on a disguise just to play a prank on the new arrivals.

"Finally, Miss Big-Shot calls her dead mother!"

'Of course the Johnsons got the big cloud.'

"I told you to pack a damned sweater."

"Your long-range investments would have made you a very wealthy man."

"You're a physician? Let me ask you about a problem that I've been having."

Free ticket to heaven... details inside

"Before we decide if you can get in we have to watch a film review of your life..."