Affectionate Filmgoer Gifts

"Thanks to the Oscars, we're going to be the hottest finger food this season."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"This is the perfect way to watch movies if you love mosquitoes and having a cold, wet butt."

Herman Mankiewicz

'I couldn't do my term paper because they've never made a movie about Rutherford B. Hayes.'

'The secret to doing a book report is only picking books that have been made in to movies.'

"Let's talk film or let's not talk film - I'm easy."

"I like movies that resemble my life, so I don't feel like I'm wasting time watching a movie."

Sign in book shop window: 'Critics agree the book is much better than the movie.'

"Death Star? Is that in the Valley?"

Old sea captains queue to see Monster Whale Revenge.

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'It was great. I hated it.'

This is the new Director's Cut version of Hansel and Gretel...with additional scenes and three alternative endings!!!

'You don't want weather? Not a problem! How about sports, or maybe a nice movie? We can do that! Just put that thing down and let's talk, OK?'

'Come quick: Rin Tin Tin is on TV again...'

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

Kirsten Johnson

"I'm sick of watching the same movie every day."

"Spoiler alert."

'How's this new concept? Instead of a gunfight, the hero overpowers the villian with a heartfelt homily on the sanctity of family values.'

'Oh, nothing, just babysitting the Lord of the Rings.'

"Why don't you just go and see this summer's feel-good movie?"

'What do you mean, 'pass the remote control'?... We're at the cinema!'

'Personally, I love your script, but Rex is pretty certain he smells a bomb!'

'Harlow, why can't you be passionate like Mel Gibson?'

'No, when something blows up it doesn't buffer, that's just special effects.'

"I'd leave Redford for George Clooney in a hartbeat."

Man writing at laptop says: 'It's a UK road movie ??" to give it more scale, I'm making the characters three inches tall.'

"Everybody on the bus today was played by Anthony Hopkins."

'It's a 'Free Willy From Hollywood' petition: Would you please sign it...'

'One chatterbox, a natter natter and two shhhhh's please.'