Affectionate Banter Buffs Pillows

"If yer a potato, I'm a potato."

"Good evening several times and welcome to QI. As usual I'll be asking a series of quite interesting questions and some comedians will be doing a lot of knob and fart gags. It's a winning formula!" "Don't knock it. No one likes knockers!" "Speak for yourself!" "Was that an entendre? I'll have a double." "Mine's a large one!"

'I'm sorry, we don't serve spirits.'

'No need for pump action, Al - it's the wife.'

"It says here that study claims chimps and humans are 96% the same. What's your thoughts Derek?"

That dolphin drinks like a fish.

"I just saw some confused old goat pee all over the bathroom floor." "That was a mirror. And that wasn't the bathroom."

'You're so nice and friendly that I've got nothing to moan about. That's a bit of cheek!'

"What do you mean, I hardly moved all night? I was constantly dancing around politics, religion and the weather."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

"It takes me only one drink to get drunk. Its either the seventh or eighth."

A medical office filing cabinet has drawer labels that read, 'X-Rays,' 'Lab Work,' and 'Exam Room Banter'

"I'm sorry, Doctor, when you said benign growth, I thought you were referring to my husband."

'Oh yeah, well, MY DADDY can scare ELEPHANTS!'

"Yes, it was good for me - not as good as it was the last time, but probably better than it's going to be the time after this."

'Any chance of a bit of....er...Blue on Blue?'

"But it wouldn't be premarital sex unless we got married."

'Oh, yeah?...Well, no one has to follow me around with a pooper-scooper.'

Menu. How much is that stuff? Read the hash tag.

Another day, another conquest

Albatross bragging about his latest catch...

'I don't think much of your work experience scheme Eric!'

"My marriage is like a walk in the park. Jurassic is a park, right?"

'Her bruxism resulted in a ferine bricole.'

'I'm not a wine snob. You're a wine ignoramus.'

"Hey, look on the bright side, at least we're not wine coolers."

"I love you." "I love you less."

Gloria accused me of mansplaining. Would you like me to wolverinesplain something to her? It might provide some perspective.

Ralph knew how to ruin a Notting Hill wine tasting soirée.

Mysteries of the ocean...

Might And Mane

'I hear the boss is taking roping lessons.I wonder what he's going to practice on?'

'Don't make me come down there.'

The Meaning of Humour

"He's learning how to mutter in Spanish