Aerobics Avoider Gifts

How To Flatten Your Tummy

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

"Migration ruins my 10,000 steps."

"Ok, let's get those knuckles up off the ground, arms way up high now, feet wide apart. . ."

Exercise Class

"When was the last time you exercised something other than a purchase option?"

'Me? I took my cardio to the next level.'

No need to be concerned, madam! I'm wrapped in cotton wool!

Keep Fit.

"You need to lose 20 cable channels."

Holiday Aerobics.

The summer of her 39th year, Eleanor could be found most evenings on a hill (known locally as Robert's Hump) doing aerobics of her own devising.

'The doctor said you need more exercise, so I've hidden the remote control.'

Man to woman leaving health club: 'The instructor said I had lots of body definition ... plump, rotund, obese, heavy ...'

'Looks like Shelia has overdone it with the cream scones this week!'

'And one and two and let change through and three and four and collapse on the floor.'

"Ever since the elevator broke down, we've learned that our staff is in desperate need of a fitness program. Especially, since we're only one floor up."

'I tried running once, but I kept spilling my drink.'

Advanced aerobicizers wait till after class to aid the fallen.

'The aerobics will give you a more youthful appearance overall, but you need to see a podiatrist about your crows feet.'

"Our new treadmill is easy to use, you just set it to the speed setting that's most comfortable for you."

There's a popular new health spa down there. The endorphins are having a blast in aerobics. Antibodies are learning kickboxing and the adrenaline is getting some much needed relaxation in the yoga studio. The only problem is the water molecules. Everybody is concerned about them! What's wrong? They haven't been seen since they went into the sauna!

'If God had wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them closer to my hands!'

"Will I still be able to not exercise?"

'Here are the safety manuals you wanted'

Aerobics Class.

'You need more excercize. But I'm drinking as fast as I can.'

Gym: Back and Forth or Going Nowhere.

AEROBICS CLASS, 'What is your body telling you now?', 'To be honest, I'm getting mixed signals.'

'...27...28...29...by golly, you're right, this is good aerobic exercise!'

The Candy Shop. Anytime I eat candy it immediately goes to my mid-section. No time to waist!

Step aerobics

"I considered riding my bike to work until I realized it involved pedaling and sweat."

"Why run a marathon when you can sleep through it?"

Give me a child at seven and I will show you the MAN!