Advice Aficionado Gifts

'Really? My goodness, you learn something new every day in this job!'

'If you can tell the difference between good advice and bad advice, you don't need advice.'

'Oh yeah! My self help group knows a lot more than your psychiatrist. First of all, there's a lot more of them.'

"Only time can heal a broken heart, Brenda, and fortunately I have the time, every Thursday at three o'clock."

'You should have read the cookery book for teenagers. It's pretty short: 'Take the food off the package before you microwave it'.'

The man who thought 'legal advice' meant legal advice

"Well, you know what I always say!"

'And if your friends all jumped off a bridge to get away from the cops, would you do it too?'

'My astrologer says one thing, my guru says another, my psychiatrist says something else - I don't know who to turn to anymore.'

'Life is just a game, and everybody I meet is a coach!'

'I don't mind your mother giving us advice, but when she sends consultation bills!'

'Marriage is a two-way street, and he keeps sneaking off into the alley!'

'I asked you for one good reason why I should follow your advice, not six.'

'I fired my motivational trainer and started listening to my mother.'

"Most of the time when you think you're hungry, you're really just thirsty."

"It's the Ask Sadie advice hour. 'Shmernie' in Vermont, you're on. What's your problem?" "How do I know when it's time to give up? I've tried so hard to warn people about how they're getting screwed over, but they keep vot-- I mean, hanging out with the screwer-overers." "Give it up, 'Shmernie!' It's over!" "This reminds me of the time great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-grandmother Cohen's advice show answered a parchment from 'S

Ernie is always able to pass along good advice because he never uses it himself!

Yes, I want your advice, what's your condition? Tell. No. One. I can't tell anyone you gave me advice. No problem. Not just that. You can't tell anyone my advice. Please sign here, and here, initial at the bottom. What? You give advice all the time on the radio. That's watered down. That's not P.U.S. Pure Undiluted Sadie. Next week: Sadie counsels Rudy creating … A Rudy made in Sadie's image. Oh, friends, it won't be pretty, not pretty at all but pretty mean …

Two years ago, during a special episode of the Ask Sadie show, our resident octogenarian asked readers for advice about how she can deal with her midlife crisis. Many of you took the time to send her heartfelt advice, which Sadie publicly mocked, belittled and summarily rejected, while calling into question the IQ and, in one case, the parentage, of her listeners. Since then, Mrs. Cohen has completed her mandatory anger management course. She humbly requests that you all try anew to send her adv

"Ohhhhhhhhhh, I see. When I saw the sign out front, I just assumed it meant advice."

Robots search for people's personal information in the cloud.

"There's smart phones and smart cars, so why can't there be smart rooms that clean themselves?"

"Meet the author"

'First you forget logarithms. Then you forget how to do long division. Then the multiplication table begins to go...'

"He's taught himself work-life balance."

"I need a deeper access to his brain. Only google has the records."

'As our new company logo, I'm not quite sure it's sending out the right message.'

'If only every year was an election year.'

'...and in 1/100000 of a second, it can compound the programmer's error 87,500 times.'

"If you're smart enough to design a robot to do your homework, then you're certainly smart enough to just do your homework."

'Let me see your portfolio of stolen ideas.'

"Hey, remember a few days ago, when all this was unacceptable?"

"I fear one day our jobs will be taken over by technology."

"Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity."

"Listen to this: 'Technology reduces the time we spend on a given task, but increases the number of tasks we're expected to do.' Sounds like a no-win situation to me!"