Adventurous Conversationalist Gifts

What if I'm one of the sad losers they aim these ads at?!

"Don't even interact with him. He just likes to say 'Kalamazoo.'"

"Yes, I'm from London. 'Which part?' you ask. Well all of me!"

"Could I ask just one question?"

"To be honest, I don't mind the cold, and being an introvert, and slightly antisocial, I really treasure the quiet time when the others have flown south..."

While old, sick, and weak animals remained targets, the lions most enjoyed culling the herd of its sarcastic teenagers.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

What price beauty?

"Who knew we had so many dislikes in common?"

"I'm fascinated by body language."

'That's the corkage fee you wanted to ask about, Jack, not the cleavage fee!'

My wife's been talking to the skin I shed for over an hour.

" I'm sorry. I was so busy listening to myself talk that I forgot what I was saying."

"Isn't us talking about how I would never take a ballroom dancing class an activity we're doing together?"

"And I never kiss in the first two seconds."

"I'd love to go out with you. Do I have to have time to change."

"You can't offend me. I never mix religion or politics with reality."

"No, I don't think you have 'multiple personality disorder'. In fact, I don't think you have a personality at all."

"I should warn you that many of John's thoughts are subliminal."

Shrewsbury - pronunciation

"I've been in the doghouse ever since I tried to get my mother-in-law hanged as a witch."

Kid to kid: 'I can't be wearing out my welcome. I didn't even step on it.'

'Take this stick-drive and open the file 'John's Emotional Baggage'. It'll save a lot of time.'

"The most obvious side-effect of having a chip implanted in my brain is a constant craving for onion dip."

"Now can I be in one of your comics?"

"Why... are there so many people who never eat pork? Because we have some excellent PR people working on our behalf."

"I'm just so relieved! I thought you didn't love me anymore, but now I realize I was just projecting!!"

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

Attention Span Man

"Want to score some flu shots.?"

'I leave a few spaces so you can get a few words in edgeways.'

Big Talk/Small Talk.

'I just like tequila for the worm.'

'It's not so much you having a cockroach problem - it's more along the lines of us having a human problem.'

People I've Met At Parties Whose Names I've Forgotten