Ad-watcher Extraordinaire Gifts

'Welcome to the logo-in-each-corner channel'

'We want everyone to remember our name.'

Create some buzz!

Creative department

"Technically he's a zombie but we'll market him as a hybrid."

Important Food Groups

'He's written some great slogans and some great labels, but he's never written a great coupon.'

The bad news is our boxer shorts are still bursting into flames. The good news is our brand recognition is through the roof

Tarzan has gone into advertising. He's king of the jingle now.

"Well, after ad school, our Timothy made a 6-second Ad that nobody saw."

"How's this for transparency: Our product isn't organic but our bullshit advertising it!"

"Hire me and I'll bring in orders. Big orders. You're gonna need a bigger door."

News for Sale

Honesty in retail

Roads with a view.

'You're in luck - we do have a temporary position in advertising'.

Eat Beef

"Ah yes, I know this bit...it's from the advert!"

"Did you ask the client about product placement?"

"Joe's cereal. NPR co-approved."

Actually, Mama was her third word. Buy Now were her first two.

Gullib-Os

Opp'y of a Lifetime

Advertising and PR Agency: 'I'm able to spin at 60 words per minute, hype at 50 words and distort at 45 words.'

'We're losing the mid-morning market. Let's put a hamburger in a glazed donut and call it brunch.'

"Here's the marketing department's solution."

"I must say Jeff, there's something about your personal brand that I find refreshing."

'With 5% spent on talent, 5% on production, and 90% on marketing...I smell WINNER!'

SupermarketAwful Market.

"Bob, you're just not selling me on you essential hamburgerness."

"There are exceptions. Sometimes it's possible to have buzz without any hype whatsoever."

I can now come clean. The person who secretly told me that Mitch McConnell loves Dr. Pimple Popper is … Hold it! Hold it? Commercial break. Nothing' says sexy like cholesterol.

'We couldn't give away black-and-white TVs until we started advertising them as having 'non multi-color capability'.'

'We've gone over your budget very carefully, Mr Thorne. Unfortunately the network does not sell 7-second spots.'

"We can succeed if our target audience is not made up of rational human beings."