Accident Settlement Gifts

'Your fee is causing us more mental anguish than the accident.'

Barbeque Casualty.

'I've only come to get my nail back.'

'Gentlemen, I'd like to introduce you to our new 'health and safety' officer.'

'...but besides this, how are you doing?'

Big slipper.

'This is your lucky day!'

'I bet those are the accident reports.'

'I have this horrible premonition that he's turning into a butterfly.'

"Arrghh! - I came around the corner and tripped over that sign!"

"Stop moaning. I said I'm sorry."

Bartender: 'Rough day, huh?'Man: 'I'll say. My ex-wife just sued the pants off me.'

'It's good news - the car can be repaired'

'So, tell me once more how climbing trees is healthier than playing computer games.'

'The car has power steering... but the driver doesn't!'

"I got knocked down while jogging in heavy traffic."

'Talking to John always raises my self esteem. He's such a great listener!'

'That is one nasty whiplash!'

'Hell hath no furry like the lawyer of a woman scorned.'

'I didn't have a fall. I fell.'

'Not only the first wheel, the first road accident as well!'

'Does that mean no sex tonight?'

'It's lucky for you your legs are O.K.!'

Sling

'Little Tommy took the cap off the sauce bottle when he got home from school in the end.'

'I can just make it out. She's saying 'call my hairdresser'.'

"You will be pleased to know that the children said sorry!"

"I never would've encouraged you to step out of your comfort zone if I'd known you were such a klutz."

After Mr and Mrs Tooth and Nail you've got the Hammer and Tongs.

'This next song is for my ex-wife, because she owns it and collects all the royalties.'

'I need the welder to fix the guard on that pump.'

"...And your underpants were unusually clean for someone who got hit by a bus."

"Let's remain open to closing as we are close to the opening."

'What are YOU doing here?'