Academic Paradox Gifts

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

They hated me.

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Non-Creative Writing, Also Known as Plagiarism 101.

'She flunked me, but I plea-bargained my way up to a C-plus!'

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"I was planning to grow old with Matthew Nelson, but it looks like I'll be growing old with my algebra teacher."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

WANTED Dead or Alive - Schrodinger's Cat.

"I have good news and bad news about your cat, Dr Schrodinger..."

"In my class, I'm not interested in grades. I'm interested in you becoming a better person!"

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

"Since when did economists become sociologists?!"

"What kind of tomorrow is it? — I don't know, when I wake up, it's already today."

'By the second week of instruction all first-graders should be able to count to one.'

"Don't pull any wisdom teeth. I need all the help I can get in school."

A heated argument between dons of applied maths and ancient history.

'Dr. Nackschmerz has a very logical mind.' - 'Yes - in contrast to his body.'

"I'm sorry son, I don't know how to answer whether today is opposite day or not."

'At least you won't have to worry about the rising costs of a college education.'

Opening arguments would begin after the intimidation round.

"We're not too concerned about him not graduating. We've only made it to tenth grade so we're already proud."

Goodbye Party Today - Prof Whiley is Retiring to Spend More Time with his Inner Child.

'I probably won't be asked to be the first brain donor.'

'I'm what you can't learn at Harvard Business school.'

Mathematicians' put down.

History exam marked as an 'Epic fail'.

"I'm broke, I'm back...and I'm willing to discuss law school."

"If you upgrade this to an 'A' I think I can get you an extra $10,000."

"There it is, son, your four years at Princeton."

"I'd let her go, but she's so good with the kids."

"That's right, Mr. Jenkins, we rejected your membership application because you wrote your name on it..."