Academic Paradox Lover Gifts

"No, yours is more useful, believe me."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

The Meaning of Life

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

New Capitalism

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

It's my manifesto on living "off the grid," mainly compiled from my blog, tweets and Facebook posts.

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Right Against Right.

Grenadiers

Zeno Gives Directions

'Oi! You looking at my 1/3?'

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

Fastest slowest animal

'I know one never knows, but I don't know how one knows that.'

Lacking a basic understanding of plot and humour, Alan Turing was really confused when Temptation and Consciouence stood on the wrong shoulder.