Academic Paradox Lover T-Shirts

"No, yours is more useful, believe me."

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"He's very disciplined about his writing, every morning he stares at the keyboard for at least 4 hours before he allows himself a cup of tea!"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

The Meaning of Life

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

"I hate my job and I'm terrified of losing it."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

New Capitalism

'If it makes you feel any better, I gave the kid you copied from the same grade.'

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

'He may be a brilliant academician, but he's even dumber than the rest of us when he tries to do anything practical around the house.'

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'I was just checking your records, Kleinzweck, and you have a Ph.D.. in pseudoscience!'

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Grenadiers

Right Against Right.

Zeno Gives Directions

'Oi! You looking at my 1/3?'

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

'Geeez! One day, we'll all get killed by that unhealthy stuff!'

'I know one never knows, but I don't know how one knows that.'

Fastest slowest animal

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'