Fan Of Paradoxes T-Shirts

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

"Drunk, yet orderly"

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

"The central digital platform is temporarily renamed Project Schrödinger’s Cat. Until it is accessed on the 24th February it both is and is not a working system."

Barrister asking a witness to produce burnt papers

'It began as The Great American Novel...but it finally sold as an infomercial.'

The Meaning of Life

New Capitalism

'You're not fooling anybody but yourself.'

'I have a twitter account to slag off my facebook friends and I use facebook to insult my followers on twitter.'

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

I've got a problem – with me. Counseling costs extra. I always hated BMW owners. But one day I woke up and realized I drive a Saab. People who vacation in the Hamptons give me hives, but I've got a summer spot in Santa Cruz. I protested against big corporate oil companies … wearing a North Face jacket and Nike high tops! Don't you realize what I've become? I'm an upwardly mobile hippy! Death to the huppy. Hates fancy coffee drinks, loves soy milk.

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'The last thing he said was 'I'm going to go look up the work 'Dictionary' in the dictionary,' and then the universe kind of collapsed around him,'

Grenadiers

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

Right Against Right.

"We have ways of making you say yes, but I want you to want to say yes."

Zeno Gives Directions

Woman says treadmill reminds her of her life.

'The doctor told me to get away for a while..Where I live, in the country, it's just too quiet for me, so I've come here for a vacation.'

The City that Never Sleeps.

National Paradox Foundation: We're closed come in.

Worker is confused at the Paradox Parcel Company.

'I know one never knows, but I don't know how one knows that.'

Fastest slowest animal

Lacking a basic understanding of plot and humour, Alan Turing was really confused when Temptation and Consciouence stood on the wrong shoulder.

'Have you read about the millionaire who dresses like a hobo and gives money to those who are kind to him?'

'Making these snacks low-fat was great because substituting sweetener for fat made them even more addictive.'

Crackpot watches while women catfight.

'National Public Television now presents 'Monday Night Chess'!'

'I'm afraid you're a hypochondriac Mr Jenkins... but luckily we have a pill for that!'

"No, yours is more useful, believe me."

"We've come a long way since the me-and-now society."