Loves Logical Paradoxes T-Shirts

"Graph A is verified by Graph B. Graph B is verified by Graph C. Graph C is verified by Graph A. So you see...it's all verified."

'Assuming their porridge was poured at the same time, how could it then be too hot, too cold and just right?'

"If you'd like to take a seat."

"This just in: one of us always tells lies; the other always tells the truth. Who's who? Stay tuned."

Lecture on Chaos Theory delayed because the speaker dropped his notes.

'Massive unpredictability is absolutely certain, maybe.'

'Thanks for coming here today for my presentation, '10 cutting edge trends in the future of business analysis.' Copies of my talk will be available in the lobby in VHS and Betamax formats...'

The Meaning of Life

New Capitalism

"Thanks a bunch. I'll just run these by our committee and pass them along."

Decisions: Yes or No, 'Or maybe?'

"If I had three wishes, my last wish would be to only have two wishes."

"Sod U OK!?"

'Are you sure it's necessary to sign this part declaring 'all information is true and correct to the best of my knowledge'?.'

"Sorry. I was expecting the lady. I can see you're busy. I'll call sometime. We'll do lunch."

Word problems in math class.

"Carl had the mouth of a truck driver... Sorry, Carl, I just can't make no sense from all those words comin’ out your pie hole. A truck driver with a Ph.D. in mathematical logic."

'There's something I should tell you Boris. . . I'm actually right-brained.'

Zeno Gives Directions

How the Trump budget policy gets made.

'Sorry, you're not suitable for the post of Assistant Beggar.'

Accountant to job seeker: 'Any skills besides being good at Sudoku?'

Worker is confused at the Paradox Parcel Company.

'You must be the one interested in the job as a temp?'

"I'm in the middle of something. Can I call you right back?"

'Have you read about the millionaire who dresses like a hobo and gives money to those who are kind to him?'

Mensa Login Security

"We've come a long way since the me-and-now society."

Area Of Outstandingly Radioactive Waste

"Thank you for being authentic and vulnerable with me."

Interpreting butterflies.

"No, yours is more useful, believe me."

Kids, stay in school!

If/Then

'Incredible deductions, Mr. Holmes.'