Academic Critic Gifts

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

"If you go into it looking for mistakes, of course you're going to find some!"

"I think we really need to review our tracking policy, Mr. Corello!"

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

'We never learn anything new, we're just taught how to improve our position in the league tables...'

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

What does the M stand for?

"Don't get me wrong; I learned a lot in college. Just nothing applicable to real life."

'I hate to be so skeptical, but I still think the seance business is a hoax!'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

Reading my Critics

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

"And on the eighth day, God sat back with a scotch and soda and waited for the critical reviews."

"Your usually vicious sarcasm is weak. Go pump some irony."

"Never mind, Harry. Just remember, the 'Saturday Review' loved it."

"If I Can Make One Critic Smile..."

"Heads up! It's another tidal wave of overwrought critical hyperbole!"

'It's cutting edge theatre.'

"Mom, please! I'm a married woman whose friends have been reviewed favourably by the New York Times."

'I take it that the birthday cake is for this old trout you just served me?'

"Did you read my review on Amazon? Four out of four people found it helpful."

Movies vs. Films

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

A man on a giant book poses as Rodin's The Thinker.

'He knows everything about art. But he doesn't know what he likes.'

The new Physics

Learn to Be a Critic In The Privacy Of Your Own Home With The Apex Correspondence School Of Criticism!

Master's Degrees of the Universe

"Perhaps you wouln't have declared so many places 'worth a detour' if you'd held the map right way up!"

'Bloomsbury Group, members only'

"Thank you, Mr. Mulvaney, but what we're really looking for is someone with talent."

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

Dog writes a review: 'A sublime book, I devoured it in one sitting ...'