Academic Pressure Critic Gifts

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

An Archeologic Dig

Master's Degrees of the Universe

New dunce caps

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"...This is the only way I can get though college!"

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

Uni. Snowflake Library

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

4 Great Ways to Fail

Students getting marked letter grades on foreheads. 'It's the beginning of another marking period at Highland Community Schools.'

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

Professor Krisps research suggested that the intelligensia where much more stupid than anyone had suspected

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'Liberal Arts' and 'Conservative Crafts.'

"We demand a safe space."

"Okay - now that the paramedic is here with the defibrillator and smelling salts. . ."

College students across the nation protest tuition hikes.

"I think we really need to review our tracking policy, Mr. Corello!"