Academic Pressure Critic Gifts

'Child labor laws don't apply to homework, Jimmy.'

'Our admission policy is now simplicity itself. If you have the tuition, you're in.'

"Like I could date a guy from Notre Dame."

Master's Degrees of the Universe

An Archeologic Dig

New dunce caps

'In the future, everyone will have fifteen minutes of tenure.'

"Night of the living adjunct professor" "What's a sabbatical?" "Tenure is boring!" "I have four desks in four schools!" "I have more prestige than a grad student."

"If you have to ask, you can't afford it."

"...This is the only way I can get though college!"

Cash For Places - Penbroke College

"Data is just another way of never having to say you're sorry. You know that, David."

Uni. Snowflake Library

'It's all a load of Voltaire!'

"I feel sorry for kids these days - they're always being tested for something"

'If we could just get rid of a few of these lecturers and students, we'd have a great university on our hands.'

'May I be excused? The pressure is getting to me.'

"When do you teach us how to become motivated?"

'Since when did we start getting report cards, too?'

4 Great Ways to Fail

'I didn't know you could get a master's degree in soulless greed.'

Cutting Room Floor

Students getting marked letter grades on foreheads. 'It's the beginning of another marking period at Highland Community Schools.'

Scientific Research: '...The solar rotation theory...I figure it'll take years of heavily funded research to see if the sun really does set in the east...'

'I think your test grading is biased in favor of students who answer the test questions correctly.'

"Yes, you are speaking to university admissions!"

Professor Krisps research suggested that the intelligensia where much more stupid than anyone had suspected

'Damn! The uni has introduced new anti-student chairs."

'Did you really? I flunked out of Bob Jones, too!'

College: 'We do not discriminate on the basis of race, age, sex, or religion. Students must simply be able to afford $20,000 tuition per year.'

'Liberal Arts' and 'Conservative Crafts.'

College students across the nation protest tuition hikes.

"Okay - now that the paramedic is here with the defibrillator and smelling salts. . ."

"I think we really need to review our tracking policy, Mr. Corello!"

What Happens in the Cal-Bunker