Academic Adventurer Gifts

"English lit-how about you?"

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"They're harmless when they're alone, but get a bunch of them together with a research grant and watch out."

Ethics ethics.

"It's a great school, but it wasn't my first choice."

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'

"I didn't find out quite what I wanted about the economics of democracy but I did find an interesting article about the mating habits of the Patagonian Fruit Bat."

"You call it grad school; I call it raising the debt ceiling."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

"My goal is to major in something that won't become obsolete in four years."

Principles of Anaesthesia.

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

'Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.'

A person reading an advanced book, standing on the pile of other books that he's had to read in order to become knowledgable enough to reach/read it.

What luck!

'You're kidding... I've got a masters in philosophy too!'

'I didn't have time to download my report and print it out. It's already paid for, so you can download it directly from Book Reports-R-Us.'

Chaos theory (office) - only 12 more days until all hell breaks loose.

"Sorry, I had to pull you over, Professor. Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

The Lecture.

"It started with a simple case of peer review."

'I'm getting ready to apply to colleges. Do you have a list of party schools?'

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

'Final exams are easier if you think of them as exit polls.'

"I love never finishing our dissertations together."

'And now, professor Wynblok from Washington University with some of the same old stuff I've been telling you all along.'

"That's Ruffles, our I.Q.-sniffing dog."

Professor Isaac goes off on another tangent.

'Take it easy, the textbooks will be here. It's only August 30.'

'We're a great team: He does most of the research, but I write the winning Grant Applications!'

"I could have been successful if I had mastered the standardized test."

"In many Latin American countries, Columbus Day is celebrated as 'Dia de la Raza.' In The Bahamas, it's called 'Discovery Day.' In Argentina, it's known as 'Day of the Americas.'"