Academic Adventurer Gifts

"English lit-how about you?"

Washington Crossing the Delaware, Having Been Invited to Join the Faculty at Princeton

"The answer you seek can be found in the syllabus."

'Agreed. We fund only those proposals we can understand.'

"They're harmless when they're alone, but get a bunch of them together with a research grant and watch out."

Ethics ethics.

The bane of every college applicant: the admissions essay.

"It's a great school, but it wasn't my first choice."

'No Jimmy! You can't cite Wikipedia as the main source for your assignment!'

'I'm sorry but we don't have athletic scholarships for video games.'

'It doesn't matter that your thesis is on extra sensory perception, you can't cite mindreading in your references.'

"I didn't find out quite what I wanted about the economics of democracy but I did find an interesting article about the mating habits of the Patagonian Fruit Bat."

"You call it grad school; I call it raising the debt ceiling."

'Will Mr. 'No Comment' please remain after class.'

"My goal is to major in something that won't become obsolete in four years."

Principles of Anaesthesia.

'Sometimes it does, sometimes it doesn't.'

A person reading an advanced book, standing on the pile of other books that he's had to read in order to become knowledgable enough to reach/read it.

'Academic freedom doesn't mean you're free not to study.'

What luck!

'I didn't have time to download my report and print it out. It's already paid for, so you can download it directly from Book Reports-R-Us.'

Chaos theory (office) - only 12 more days until all hell breaks loose.

'You're kidding... I've got a masters in philosophy too!'

The Lecture.

'Your resume says you have a B.A. in medieval history, a M.A. in modern art, and a PhD in metaphysical poetry. Have you checked us out on the internet? We design and manufacture detonation switches for drones.'

"Sorry, I had to pull you over, Professor. Do you have any idea how fast you were going?"

'I'm getting ready to apply to colleges. Do you have a list of party schools?'

"It started with a simple case of peer review."

'Final exams are easier if you think of them as exit polls.'

The life of a professor is great- it's either publish or PARIS!'

Graduates using the tassel on their mortar boards as a propeller to take flight.

Biochemistry. First, the term is "amino acid" not "a mean old acid."

'Psssst! What font are you using?'

'You will now be presented with your degrees. That is, of course, after you jump through another one of our little hoops.'

Ticking the right boxes.