Absurd Advice Gifts

Marriage Counselor: 'I say it ain't cheatin', if it's a different species!'

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Nihilistic customer service"

"You say that using a colicky horse to pull you out of the mud may actually help his colic?"

Ponzi-Mat Vending Machine

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

"Let's text her, she'd like that."

'Have you seen the ruddy margins the Chinese expect us to take up for this work?'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

'My philosophy has always been, sell advice, don't follow it.'

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

'You can do whatever you want, Herb, but I sure wouldn't take advice from a bowl of alphabet soup!'

Executioner forgetting his glasses.

'Now just learn to whistle and I'll be rich!'

"9 out of 10 doctors recommend keeping their stethoscopes in the freezer."

"If you are a Pulitzer-prize winner, press 1. All others, please press 2."

Post Post

'Not as easy as it looks?"

"I suggest you take these pills on an empty stomach."

"Riddle your salad with pepper, sir?"

"Our property taxes went up agian."

'They suspect arson.'

"He is a service dog – he's my accountant."

"If you killed him using a tennis racket, you need a sports lawyer."

A toaster plays fetch

Man crawling on desert see a dry cleaners in distance.

'My advice is: Don't put all your eggs in one basket.'

Have you tried drinking ?

Things-could-be-worse-go-round