Absurdity Gifts

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

'Looks like we're going to need a taller scaffold.'

"What a disgusting man, not even wearing a facemask."

"O.K., I'll talk."

"Don't tell the 'how-we-met' story."

A toaster plays fetch

"Oh dear, Ms. Werthington always was afraid she'd die like that."

Suicide point/death certificate vending machine.

LOST & FOUND, 'Where did you last see this pink elephant?'

"Disgusting-all they grow in their garden is HAIR!"

'I've needed to fart for five hundred years, and I'm afraid to!'

Man crawling on desert see a dry cleaners in distance.

'Not as easy as it looks?"

Barcode Dreams

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

"What do you recommend for someone being tried in absentia?"

'Germaine, what did you do with my desk?'

Tourists and their Pets.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Crab with a clown face.

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

"Bigfoot"

Optimist

You don't need to believe EVERYTHING you are told.

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Zoo: No Hunting.

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Valet park only"

Imagine

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

"Nihilistic customer service"

Nonsense Poem