Absurdists Gifts

"I went to the sales for a toaster, but they is all they had left!"

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

God has an attack of vertigo

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Tourists and their Pets.

Crab with a clown face.

Barcode Dreams

Penguins flying to igloo birdhouse

Glance Exchange

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

"Bigfoot"

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Optimist

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Nonsense Poem

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

"Valet park only"

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

Robber on treadmill

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"The good news is it's brightening up..."

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."