Absurdists Gifts

"I went to the sales for a toaster, but they is all they had left!"

"I'm afraid the only thing we have in your line of work at the moment is a bingo caller in Milton Keynes."

God has an attack of vertigo

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Tourists and their Pets.

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

"Day 4,261... I don’t know how much longer I can survive. Still no signs of civilization. Food is scarce and I fear the wound on my ankle is infected. Still, all this pales in comparison to the horror of having to be anywhere at any particular time."

Glance Exchange

Optimist

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

Admit it. We have a drinking problem.

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

Fred's new phone plan included unlimited Dada.

Nonsense Poem

"Valet park only"

"Nihilistic customer service"

'Don't you have a better escape plan than that?'

Presidential surveillance ass!"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

Breakfast surreal.

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

'If you want to hear the ocean, press one.'

'Could you ask him where he left the remote?'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

"I like fountains very much!"

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."