Absurd Idealist Gifts

"I dreamed last night that I had a job within walking distance."

"If nothing else needs welding, Paula, I'm going to lunch."

Barcode Dreams

Crab with a clown face.

"Where is everyone?" "You had 'everyone' killed." "Stalin family reunion"

Extreme Sisyphus

Optimist

Zoo: No Hunting.

"Now that's what I'M talkin' 'bout!"

"Still Undecided Political Blocs"

'After years of practicing in empty theaters, Horace's dream of becoming a soft-shoe dancer seemed as remote as ever.'

"Squirting flower, squirting flower...."

Nonsense Poem

"Nihilistic customer service"

"I see you haven't forgotten how to play with your balls, honey." "Thanks."

Bird in a chair with a human in a cage.

Presidential surveillance ass!"

'I'll raise you, Lazarus...'

"Now that we've fallen in love, I have a confession. I'm not a giraffe—I'm fifty-eight weasels in a trenchcoat."

A convenient attack of swine flu...

'Your Honor, we've decided to go with the inanity defense...'

'Today we will lock the monkey in a room...' 'Why do I volunteer for this?'

'I predict that the next big trend will be spontaneous non-existence.'

"You inherited an extra toe from your father and didn't pay the inheritance tax on it."

'Idealist'

"Remember that ultimately we must answer to Chairs."

Nikolai Gogol

Grass: We lost some good men today!

"A man threatens to destroy town with army of turtles after dispute with city hall. Local authorities initiate a shell-ter in place in preparation for the noc-turtle invasion."

"No animals were harmed during this performance!"

Uses of a Dead Cat in History: Jesus has a Practice Before Raising Lazarus.

"Is it OK if I turn the humidifier up a bit?"