Absent Father Commentary Pillows

'Of course you never knew your father -- he's a cat.'

"Ideas that jump from noggin when head not yet screwed on."

"I hoped you'd change your hobby when you became a father"

Believe it or not: Once upon a time Dads couldn't even boil water.

Toys in the DVD Player.

"Hello?"

'Don't worry about this meeting. I got everything we need right up here.'

"Go ask your search engine."

'My mind was a million miles away today, but that wasn't far enough.'

"Now that you mention it, I think that I too may have a Master's in Education."

'Fathers Day.'

"This next one's a sad little number I call, 'I left my guitar on the F train.'"

"Oh, that reminds me of this article I barely remember."

"Are you going to move?"

"I'm sorry I didn't find your wallet but I found six pairs of reading glasses!"

"Sergio, you are the best father in the world. Except, you know, when you're not."

"Can't you keep your parenting to yourselves?"

Doctor delivers sonogram results, which include the baby's sex, his claustrophobia, his taste for trashy women...'

"Podca-a-a-a-a-a-ast!!!"

'I'll say this for your father, he's a great provider.'

"I keep forgetting it's not Christmas,"

"Our smart refrigerator should have a sensor that stops pouring water when someone walks away and forgets to come back."

'Well, draw your absent Daddy.'

'I forgot to turn on the gravity this morning.'

'My teacher gives me a note to take home to my mother almost every day. I think they're pen pals.'

'Remember me?'

'Darn! - Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

"Can he call you back? He's meditating."

'Your problem is you've lost contact with reality.'

"I'm sorry, Dear, but my shopping was so rushed I forgot the batteries for the smoke alarms."

'If I really was, do you think the kids would have even bothered to buy me a gift?'

"I can't find my chi!"