Abbot Gifts

Monk with a smiley face on his tonsure.

'The hair shirt is sufficient. You don't have to shave with a hedgehog.'

"Straighten up that tonsure."

'We found apocrypha under his mattress!'

'I believe you're thinking of leaving us, Brother?'

Finger puppets in church.

'No thank you brother Tuck! The abbot feels you may have misunderstood the meaning of pie-ous.'

"He's so bossy I call him Big Brother!"

"Don't even think of going over my head Brother James!"

"Don't even think about going over my head Brother James."

Baby Bird

"It's amazing, Darlin', just how fast the kids grow up!"

"Being raised in the city, Fred didn’t quite grasp the true purpose of a game camera."

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

"Your food didn't melt, young man... this is the soup course."

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"Bond James, Bond."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

"Her first word was 'paparazzi'. "

Prize vegetables.

'What do you want first - The bad news or the even badder news?'

'Couldn't Peter claim Mr. McGregor's garden was an 'attractive nuisance?'

Blue Stockings - Woman revealing herself as author

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

"Did I hear the dog in here?"

I like the Jets...I guess

"A wet winter, but we're making the best of it."

'Please tell me you're baby sitting?'

Mum and baby both have pacifier.

"I spilled a red dot of paint, so I painted the whole room so you wouldn't notice it."

'Why don't they make thumb-flavored baby food?'

'I stay trim because of high metabolism. Theirs, not mine.'

'Sometimes I worry that I basically wasted my 2's.'