Mobster Gifts

'You've not been involved with money laundering before have you Joe!'

'Well, this is a pleasant surprise...I say I can't pay you back and you want to take me swimming!?'

"Tonight? I thought it was tomorrow night."

"From now on, we're not a family. We're a coalition."

Sleeping with the Gefilta fish

'You do a good job here and maybe the Don will promote you.'

'If you can't distinguish right from wrong, you have no business being the head of a crime family.'

"Daddy, can I have a pony killed?"

"Of course I got rid of him...in my own way."

"Lou can't make the meeting. He's dead."

"Little Joey invented the one-click rubout."

"Where should we dump it, boss?"

"Can it, Louie! You knew damn well it was pajama day!"

"Of course I got rid of the body. Don't you follow me on Twitter?"

'These are pinching a bit around the toes. Can I try another pair?'

'I'm thinkin' this sleeping with the fishes option ain't best practices.'

'Every time you lose an argument, you put a horse's head on my side of the bed!'

'So, uh, how much is it to store a self?'

'Relax... When I said, your husband's swimming with the fishes. I merely meant that he's gone SCUBA diving with the boss.'

"Try thinking of this as a totally immersive performance art installation."

"You should know by now, nobody puts the bite on me and gets away with it!"

"You understand this was just business."

"A word of fatherly advice, Marty: keep your friends close and your enemies even closer. That way there's no room for useless in-laws to squeeze in."

"Tommy, when ya gonna start doing your own laundry?"

"Look, they'll never buy that I lost my sheep, so I want you to make it look like an accident."

"I didn't know there was that much money in the whole world!"

"I haven't actually whacked anyone in a while, but at this point I can get by purely on endorsements."

"I won't, of course, Hollingsworth, but I could have you killed."

Eddie (The Sandman) Fasolino

"When did last requests take over our lives?"

Kappa Delta Cosa Nostra

"Let's face it, kid. You're never gonna be a real boy, and I'm never gonna be a made guy."

"Shall I sing like the wild Atlantic canary or the domesticated yellow canary?"

"But that's enough about me. Tell me, what do you do?"

"Can't Yelp rate dry cleaners in order of how good they keep their mouth shut?"