Going To Ascot Gifts

A day at the races

'Sire, your new fortress was fine for your nephew's fifth, but I fear it is set for a sterner test.'

'We're gonna need a bigger moat...!'

"He's his own worst enemy."

"Early model of baggage claim"

Castle, Cafe + Gift Shop.

'Sure, real estate prices are sky-high, but kings don't sell their castles, and that's that.'

Who's gone medieval on our ass?

Bubble; 'This castle manager job better be for real.'

Safari.

'Damn, I knew that disabled access would be our undoing.'

"We've decided to convert the dungeon into studio apartments, so kill all the prisoners."

"And that's why you go on safari."

"You fools! That's not the boiling oil, that's my beef casserole!"

'Don't move, there's a bee on your back.'

"The chef made some substitutions to tonight's menu. Instead of Escarots a la Bourguignonne, he's cooking hot dogs."

'At least, Men point cameras at you these days: In my day, they pointed guns!'

Fairytale prince and princess

"Oh no! - Here comes the National Trust again!!"

'Is "I'll huff and I'll puff till I blow your castle down" the best intimidation we can come up with!!'

Finger puppets in church.

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"Today we're going to talk about lowering the drawbridge."

"Never gonna give thou up -- Never gonna let thou down -- Never gonna run around and desert thouuuuuu."

"Hang on a tick, lads, what have we here?"

'Okay wait. Screaming and failing is for large cats...'

"It's the battering classes"

Beware of the Dragon

"And to think he started in accounting."

'A-1 security from crime ... but can't stand the isolation.'

No, you were supposed to check the doorbell camera before lowering the drawbridge.

"This spectacular 40 room property has majestic views of the valley and village and it was tastefully renovated after the most recent Viking incursion."

Castle Realty. Of course, for resale value, I'd suggest converting the dungeon into a rec room.

Scratching the door to get out is easy --- it's getting back in that's the problem.

"One of you go see who's at the door."