Aspiring Ascetic Gifts

'Oh, you don't need a prescription. You just need to refrain from everything you enjoy.'

What else is there to wish for?

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

A girl climbs a ladder of books

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

Metaphors.

'It's a great country kid, anyone can grow up to be security to the president.'

'Government regulations are simple and explicit - ONE guru to a mountain top!'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

'He's at the pinnacle, but not at the pinnacle of his PROFESSION.'

'Next time up, I'm calling my shot: I'm pointing to the catcher's mitt.'