Aspiring Ascetic Gifts

'Oh, you don't need a prescription. You just need to refrain from everything you enjoy.'

What else is there to wish for?

"I wanted to be a baseball player 'til I found out they send you to the showers."

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"The teacher expects too much of me. She wants me to give it the old college try, and I'm only in grade school."

"Because when you're drafted by the pros, you'll have to be able to sign your contract. That's why you have to attend first grade."

'It's my application to Harvard...'

'Oh no...I'm living the dream.'

"I'm not an intern, I'm a squire. I'm not an intern, I'm a squire..."

'When you talk about playing, 'at the next level', you mean lawyering, right, not the NBA?'

"The counselor wasn't much help about getting into college. All he said was to study hard and get good grades."

". . . and they lived happily ever after. . . in an aspirational sort of way."

'It's great that you want a career in football, Timothy, but don't you think being a striker would be more fun than being a goalpost.'

'My parents couldn't afford to send me to college, so they let me spend a night at a Ramada.'

Charlie's medical advice always went in one ear and out the other.

"The extent of your extracurricular activities in high school, may very well be participation in regular program of oral hygiene using an effective decay preventaative tooth paste, but that won't get you into a good university."

'I told my teacher that I won't be returning to school. I'm trying out for a pro basketball team, and her services are no longer required.'

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up...Can I have your autograph please?'

'When I grow up, if I don't become a pro basketball player, about about 'spin doctor'?'

"To be honest, it just collects dust."

'I want to be a professional Polo player too when I grow up... Can I have your autograph please?'

"I don't understand what people are saying up here."

"Coach said I can be catcher if I gain 30 pounds."

"You’ll get nothingness and like it."

'I seriously doubt if you've attained Nirvana yet - You've only been fasting and meditating for fifteen minutes.'

A girl climbs a ladder of books

New Years Resolutions: Join Gym. . .Cancel Gym.

Metaphors.

'It's a great country kid, anyone can grow up to be security to the president.'

"I was an attorney, but I was also one heck of a nice guy."

'Government regulations are simple and explicit - ONE guru to a mountain top!'

'If this is really Heaven, why do you have a desk job?'

"You got 136? It says here you're genius if you get a 132."

"Whenever someone scoffs at dreaming the impossible dream, I tell them to think of Bloomingdale's –the way it was long, long ago, and the way it is now."

"All I have is tofu."