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"Do you think glasses make people look smarter?" "That depends, little buddy." "The glasses must be small, to give you the illusion of a larger noggin." "The rims must be thick enough to hide any dullard-like facial expressions, to create the illusion of perceptivity." "And lastly, one must never speak, lest he say something dumb and ruin the illusions." "What if I also wore a big bushy mustache to muffle my words?"