Mustache Aficionado Gifts

"If I put mustaches on all of us, we look more like a team."

"And where do you see your mustache in five years?"

Guy de Maupassant

Old School Mustaches

'Oh, you needn't be unduly concerned, sir -- this year, we're auditing everybody with silly mustaches.'

The beard and moustache movement - lady approached by bearded railway guards thinks she is being attacked by brigands

Giacomo Puccini.

'Oh just pluck it.'

Man selecting which fake mustache to wear.

'This is a new one on me -- you've got an ingrown mustache!'

Baleen Whale and Baleen Man.

'Isn't it enough to have long hair?'

'Oh, one of those tough guys with a mustache, eh?'

A.S. Green

'No way you're getting in here with THAT mustache!'

'And everything was going great until the flaming sambucca at the Guy Fawkes party!'

Man with big furry mustache drives car with grill that looks like same.

'The siege is working my lord. They have food and water but no beard oil. I reckon they will surrender in 12 hours or less'

"You know, enlightenment and mustache wax don't really go together."

"Relax, Mr. Jackson! Yes, I am here to shave you... but not your 'cool stache'!"

"How about a mustache? Everyone's wearing them."

"But if it strains your soup, how do you ever get any noodles?"

"You're not funny."

A family with mustaches talking on their cellphones.

"You must be new around here, pardner."

"Don't shave it. It gives your face character."

"You may want to re-think the new look."

"Weapon of mass destruction" "What's with the mustache?"

Moustachio

"I think you're beard needs a trim..."

"I'm thinking of investing. Do you invest?"

"You're doing too much, Mort." "I don't know what you mean." "Optimum scruffiness is a delicate balance. One cannot have both wild hair and a wild mustache. It must be one or the other." "What about Einstein? He was behaired all over the place." "The only exceptions are for hobos, bikers and the big-brained." "I rode my Huffy here, does that count?"

"Do you think glasses make people look smarter?" "That depends, little buddy." "The glasses must be small, to give you the illusion of a larger noggin." "The rims must be thick enough to hide any dullard-like facial expressions, to create the illusion of perceptivity." "And lastly, one must never speak, lest he say something dumb and ruin the illusions." "What if I also wore a big bushy mustache to muffle my words?"

A Guide to Mustaches

Grover Cleveland