Zero To Hero Gifts

'I race around town and rescue people who lock their keys in the car!'

Can You Spot the Differences?

"He was a very good boy."

"Someday she'll solve the world's problems."

Express Barber Chair for Chemo Patients

'I'm not in shock, my eyebrows are just receding with my hairline.'

'Some people just aren't cut out for adventure gaming, Bruno — maybe you should try chess or checkers.'

'Thank you for not guessing.'

'With one stroke of his fibre-tipped pen, Cartoonman laid waste to all that was evil...'

I went a little crazy with the pet hair sticky roller.

Are we at the right stage in life to begin composting?

'I got the job, Mom. You always said I'd make a living with my hands.'

'The fed lowered interest rates today for everybody with hair...'

"The Equal Opportunity people say I can't call you my sidekick any more. You're now my personal assistant."

'Let me know if the fan bothers you...'

Carpenter

'Did you read my email about Timmy falling down the well?'

Now hiring numbers wonks to keep track of all the zeroes.

'I'm sure we'll hear about his hole-in-one!'

Were you aware, minion, that bees are dying off by the millions all over North America? No. Studies show it was caused by a certain type of pesticide that was introduced in the 1990s. A pesticide that nobody can prove was concocted by a young man in my - I mean, his - basement. Anyone who thought ahead and stocked an underground cavern with 50 tons of honey is going to clean up. Hypothetically speaking, of course. Very bad man.

"Stephen wants to be a fireman, Emily a doctor, and Matthew plans to take a few years off to find himself."

My favorite hero? Amelia Earhart. Is she like Catwoman? Amelia Earhart was a real person. Not like your Bat-Dans and Captain Lanterns. A real hero doesn't complain when a mischievous young lass siphons off gas from her plane. He's called Batma – What? A real hero silently pats that lass on the head, climbs into her plane … and takes off into the wild blue yonder … without even a single mention of how that young lass may have also stolen her compass. I'm also a fan of the brave Max Pruss, who onc

Blue-Collar Workers

'OK, who wants to be a hero?'

"I never appreciated having a cat until I lost my hair."

Attila is No. 1! We heart Attila! Hooray for Attila! Attila is the man! Yell your king my warriors and I want his castle! Who shall I say is calling?

Catwoman // Cat Lady

'The swelling well receed in a few days and the racket should slide right off.'

'I was bald by 30, invested the money saved on haircuts in the market, and retired at 50.'

Job Safety - Valves.

"Honey, you're home."

"Stand still, for God's sake, we're trying to give you a kiss."

'You constructed a beautiful work table. You're a talented woodworking legend in your own life.'

Boss? Why've you been calling me "Sauron" all day? It's a hero's journey thing. Step 8, to be exact: The Ordeal. In the ordeal, the hero of the story faces a pivotal test of either strength or will. In Lord of the Rings, the ordeal was the face-off with Sauron. But why'd you start calling me that right after I asked for a raise? Denied, foul beast! ... Now, let me check my bank account for Step 9: The Reward.

"Very good, Gary: 'A hero is a celebrity who did something real.'"