Zen Guru Gifts

'Oi! Mind where you're going!'

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

As soon as I've extinguished my ego, I'm going to take some "me" time.

'Darn! -- Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

"Okay, now just your left mind's eye."

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

Zenemies.

Cats = Zen, Dogs = Men

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Yoga.

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"I guess now's as good a time as any."

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

FAQs.

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

"Show off."

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

When Buddha came to nirvana.

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."