Zen Guru Pillows

"When I was making money, I made the most money, and now that I'm spiritual I'm the most spiritual."

'Darn! -- Don't you hate it when you forget what you were meditating about?'

"Behold the secret to happiness."

'You're through around here.. turn in your rubber donut!'

'Hey! Contemplate your own navel!'

'Enlightenment isn't EITHER overrated!'

Zenemies.

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

'He attained Nirvana in two weeks? - he's GOTTA be using steroids!'

Yoga.

'I'm going to have an out-of-body experience -- can I bring you anything?'

After years of intense inner work, Bill finally got his life completely in balance. That's when he noticed the new loose thread.

Annoying neighbours - irritating wind chimes

"Haven't you wondered why I live about 50 years longer thank you?"

Fred's Canadian caribou hunt goes from bad to worse.

'Are you not thinking what I'm not thinking?'

'Which would be more Zen ? a pizza with nothing, or a pizza with everything?'

"Hey, no problem. I am one with multiple tasks."

'Oh dear! -- Well, look me up if you ever get reincarnated, okay?'

Guru.

'Want to make it two out of three?'

"My feng-shui consultant placed Harold in the closet."

'Frank, when was the last time you cleaned your gun?'

"Show off."

"Chop wood, carry water, walk dog."

'Do you ever just feel like getting AWAY from it all?'

"She's been in shavasana for - like - a really long time...."

When Buddha came to nirvana.

How's my enlightenment? Call 1-800-Nirvana.

"Does the N.R.A. know about this?"

"I'm trying to achieve total harmony of body, mind, and cash-flow."

'I'm finally at one with the universe...but apparently that doesn't include the DOW.'

'Do you mean 'who cares what the meaning of life is,' or that 'who cares' IS the meaning of life?'

"So you want for your three wishes...world peace, happiness for friends and family...and the weekend off."