Zany Raconteur Gifts

Time flies when you're having fun.

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

Mayhem, Inc. Part 15

They still don't get it, do they? They can't see we're aping them!

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"I do love you, but I love you as a crimefighter."

"That vulture just appeared and started picking at my phone. My battery must have died."

"Do excuse me, I've got a nuttiness allergy."

Animal Band.

'Please all just sit down and fasten your seat belts!!'

'How many husbands have I had? Do you mean excluding my own?'

"What the hell do you mean you don't think it's mine?!"

Little known fact: I spent a semester at Reed College in Portland. "Little known facts" are supposed to be momentous. Well, the little known fact is, while I was there, I asked a lady out

'... And here's one I made earlier.'

Max Beerbohm

'Today's horoscope...Uranus is shining brightly and you'll have a chance encounter with a Leo...Huh!...what a load of mumbo jumbo'

Oscar Wilde

It Actually Happened 'My neighbour is always bragging about her Manx cat....

'I like to give them a sporting chance.'

'So, do you fish for sport or do you actually catch something?'

Acme Crazy Straws

"Honey, did you incorporate our entire home into one of your zany health smoothies."

Z is for Zachary Zeus, a Zany zebra from Zambia flying a Zeppelin with an unzipped zipper while sipping Zinfandel wine with a zucchini garnish and looking oh so zippy-dee-do-da...

Luke Flywalker.

A zebra and a lion taking a selfie

'I'm going to have to scan, it could take a while.'

I'm thinking of open-carrying. Forget it, little buddy. The last thing anyone needs is for you to be running around armed. You don't know the first thing about firearm safety. Who said anything about firearms? I'm talking about open-carrying my iPad. STOP! There's nothing more disgusting than a geek who thinks he's a technology cowboy wearing his gadgets like they're weapons. Stop the madness! What do you think, Randy: Hip holster, thigh holster, or shoulder sling? STOP!!! A real man would just

'I'm your best friend, so I'll be honest with you--do yourself a favor and take up ping-pong.'

'That's NOT crickets - it's zippers!'

"Going up...first floor...zebras antelopes and gnus second floor...young buffalo live shoppers and tourists..."

Kelly regretted not buying a dog.

The crazier golf company: Golf ball goes 'in' and 'out' of the desk boxes.

"I'm a pisces too."

"Ask her where she keeps the mailbox key and the nutmeg."

'I've got a suit for every day of the year - this is it.'