Yuppie Critics Pillows

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"It's true: no more burpees."

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

"Drinks all round!!"

'My dentist recommended it.'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

"We'd love to, but we had too much wine and cheese in the eighties."

"Not only have my eyes glazed over – they have turned completely into cinnamon rolls."

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

Chapter one

'I like it.'

"My new motto is: talk softly and carry a big man purse filled with wireless devices."

Most Annoying Bark

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

"You remind me of why I found the eighties wanting."

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

Dog Food Testing Lab.

No shoes, No shirt, No Service.

"Sorry, you're a good character actor, but you don't have the physique to be the hero's horse. I can give you the trusted pack-horse role though..."

"I love it when dogs work on their stupid."

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"This isn't tap water, is it?"

'I'm more of a cat person.'

Lunch is for Shrimps

'Let's face the facts, Walter -- we've become middle-aged urban professionals.'