Yuppie Critics Pillows

Early Resentment Towards Yuppies.

'My bark may be worse than my bite, but I've got a whine that will drive you up a wall!'

"It's true: no more burpees."

'You do a passable Jerry Lewis, but your Frank Sinatra stinks.'

"He's got great velocity but his trajectory needs work."

'I don't trust him - he's got beady eyes.'

"Drinks all round!!"

'My dentist recommended it.'

'I don't know if we should stay there, dear. That kennel only got two stars.'

"We'd love to, but we had too much wine and cheese in the eighties."

So what's your back story? What do you do? Marketing. Downtown. House of Java.net Cybercafe. I'm an investor in The Infant Restaurant Critic. Heard of it? A baby goes to a restaurants and cafes and tried their food. If he likes it, the eatery gets a glowing online review. If not, curtains! I'm an investor. I'm on the ground floor! Did you only ask about me so you could then talk about yourself? I hear you. You're asking about me. Don't know what's worse: Men, high-tech investors, or the combinat

"Not only have my eyes glazed over – they have turned completely into cinnamon rolls."

'How much is that yuppy in the window?'

"Don't be fooled, it looks easy but I've yet to meet a dog who's mastered it."

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

Chapter one

'I like it.'

The Thinker and The Stinker

Most Annoying Bark

"My new motto is: talk softly and carry a big man purse filled with wireless devices."

"I'm sixty-six – I don't want to see puppets in anything."

"Let Halliburton clean it up."

"You remind me of why I found the eighties wanting."

"We're close to being reliant solely on renewable sources of outrage."

Dog Food Testing Lab.

It is not enough that I receive a treat. The dog must also be deprived of one.

No shoes, No shirt, No Service.

Great movie. I wagged, I whined.

"I love it when dogs work on their stupid."

"That's OK, they're not yelling at each other! They're yelling at the TV: a politician is giving a speech..."

"Sorry, you're a good character actor, but you don't have the physique to be the hero's horse. I can give you the trusted pack-horse role though..."

"This isn't tap water, is it?"

'I'm more of a cat person.'

Lunch is for Shrimps

"This article says 'Area dogs applaud performance; humans call it incessantly infuriating!' Wow! Your barking on the back porch last night was a big hit!"