Youtube Nostalgist Pillows

"Sure, you used to be a YouTube sensation. But what have you done lately."

Lennon and McCartney.

"This next one's another oldie."

"Since he got that thing, he mostly just kills time."

"Oh great, the printer is down."

"I'll never forget you."

"Cancel my landline...are you crazy?"

Art Garfunkel.

'...tonights main feature is silent and in black and white.'

Neil Young

'I've seen nothing I've liked since Victor Meldrew!'

'...please switch of all mobile phones, paging devices and alarm watches...'

"I love the popping sounds on old vinyl LPs..."

"In my day I played a pretty mean cowbell."

I started my own Youtube channel. What's it about? Well, there are already too many stupid-stunt-and-prank channels, and too many holier-than-thou-independent-news-analysis channels. But get this: There were absolutely zero holier-than-thou-stupid-stunt-and-prank-analysis channels. Probably a reason for that. My first hard-hitting post reveals how the inauthenticity of the "Mario Kart" prank is driving away Millennials.

"No, I'm not doing my homework, but I am watching a YouTube video of someone doing theirs."

'No fax paper? Ok, you'll have to ride for help.'

'Well yes, it is a Jurassic model...OK, I'll knock off two bucks.'

His master's voice

"Is that when you turn the juke box off?"

"Horton hears The Who!"

"When I was young, music and lyrics were important! Now it's all about production...it's all jiggly butts, smoke, sexy clothes and crazy videos!"

'Did I hear right - Bob Dylan's changin' his name back?'

"Can't believe you've still got an eight-track player in this thing."

'I don't know, son, if Cain and Abel watched Mr. Rogers. I just know they didn't have any neighbors.'

'Yes, Fluffy was a great dog and to honor her memory, we've decided to keep her name as part of our computer password.'

His Master Voice Desert Island

'Walkman' 'Shuffle man'

"Sure, e-mail is faster . . . but I miss biting the mailman!"

"Before I read about my summer vacation, I'd like to ask that all pagers, beepers, and cell phones be turned off."

'Rorschach multiple-choice test'

'I miss fighting who gets the front page of the paper first.'

"I don't get it...there are so many cool new bands out...but it looks like you haven't bought anything in forever!"

"He're the pitch; a sequel to 'Yesterday', but instead of The Beatles, it's The Carpenters. We'll call it 'Yesterday, Once More'."

'Do you by any chance have any conservatory music?'