Youtube Aficionado Gifts

'So, for every day that your math grade stays below a B, your father will post a video of himself on YouTube.'

The mummified remains of about 40 Buddhist monks were discovered in China, Mongolia and India. All the mummies were found sitting in the lotus position. Many believe that these monks sat so still, meditated for so long, and slowed their heart rates and body functions so much that they became mummified alive ... and they believe that whether those mummies are 200, 600, or 1,000 years old ... they're still alive. Where'd you hear all that? "Strange Mysteries." It's a Youtube channel. I wrote to th

I can watch tv anywhere I bet that blows your mind. Why's that, loser? Tap tap tap tap. Because in your day, a televisions was a 5-ton steam-powered machine. You had to crank a handle to make it run … and "running" meant a curtain would open and two old-timey people in the box would act out a silent tv show. Wait ... are you trying to insult me ... or are you getting your history from Youtube again? "Buck-Naked Historian" has 5 million subscribers, so it must be accurate.

I haven't seen Uncle Mort lately. Are you serious? How could you miss him? Ever since Youtube started demonetizing channels left and right, it's been driving independent content creators out of business. Your uncle's out front trying to get people to sign a petition to save his favorite show. "Oatmeal News" told us what the incontinence industry didn't want us to hear about staying regular!

"I watched a few YouTube videos, I think I have the gist of it."

"If either of you know any cause or impediment why you should not be married, INCLUDING YouTube CLIPS, declare it now."

"Hear ye! hear ye!... But first these messages..."

Adult Courses. It's so hard keeping the information from different classes separate! I'm talking film history and psychology. I failed a test because I said a "psychopath" is the walkway Norman Bates took home. I also confused geography and aeronautics. I said the "great plains" are located at an Air Force testing base in the California desert. My worst nightmare was confusing the thinks ti learned in driver's education and statistics. But at least I now know it's driving where you must st

"Bond James, Bond."

Screenwriters pitch movie to studio boss: 'It's a reinterpretation of Bicycle Thieves, that classic of Italian neo-realism. We're calling it, Dude, Where's My Chopper?'

"I caution everyone to avoid taking the first field reporter job that comes along."

"I'll do the movie but I want to be highly compensated and highly acclaimed."

"I wrote this next song about my cat. It's called 'Please stop rubbing your face against my computer screen when I'm trying to watch Narcos.'"

'Big audio gear is coming back!'

"Hey grandpa, tell us more about the time you were in that Steven Spielberg movie."

"The following programme contains scenes of a very noisy vacuum cleaner."

Television Readers.

If nobody had invented graphics

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

"Seth, here, is one of the best young creative compromisers in the business."

"Bloody hell!"

"I love it when you use your 'All Things Considered' voice."

'We need you to settle a bet -- was 'Twilight Zone' a sitcom or a documentary?'

"You talkin' to me? You talkin' to me? Then who the heck else are you talking... you talking to me?"

'Notice how with truth in packaging requirements all the labels begin with ‘OMG!''

'They're just like us, except they watch more television.'

Kritik's Korner

Waiter, what's this fly doing in my soup? A scene from an Esther Williams movie.

"Now we move over to the sports desk."

The Pill-of-the-Month Club!

"It's basically the 'Tragedy of King Lear' but with animated penguins."

Canadian film production

"It's a 'Black eye friday'. I got it in a fight over a 56 inch TV."

Brad Pitt

"I finally gave in, I got sick of hearing, 'Polly want a podcast?... Polly want a podcast!'"