Youngster Gifts

"Ambitions . . . to catch the Loch Ness Monster"

"Next year, let's wish for a pony."

"Just be yourself."

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

'Peter the Flying Hippo is my favorite storybook character without any merchandising tie-ins.'

'Teenagers!'

'Are you sure I should read my book report to the class? --�It's PG-13.'

'My imaginary playmate can whip your imaginary playmate!'

"Really? They're now giving out non-participation trophies?"

"Well, young man... just consider yourself grounded!"

'Well, Tommy, you've grown a foot since the last time I saw you!'

"Well, I had 'the talk' with him.

A Punk Rocker Cocoon.

"By the way, the failing grades you'll be seeing-they won't be virtual."

"Yeah, I got into trouble, but I think the principal really enjoyed my rendition of 'I Did It My Way.'"

My Dad, trying to look young. The cap hides his bald spot and the sweatshirt hides his gut!

'I'd explain how the TV, VCR, DVD, surround sound home entertainment system works...but I don't know.'

"We’ve nailed guitar-solo-face. Time to try playing instruments."

It's a radical new development, a text novel for the text generation

WELCOME TO KINDERGARTEN!, 'Boy, talk about psychobabbl!'

Grand. Baby Grand. Toddler Grand. Teen Grand.

Mayhem, Inc. Part 21

My coach wants me to go to soccer camp. Focusing on one sport isn't good for you. But mom! I'll develop crucial life skills. Let's see. "Landing endorsements, agents and college sports scholarships." The definition of "crucial".

"Check it out! In nature, females are in charge...they select their mates!"

'The school computers are six months old. How can I be expected to be competitive in the job market if I'm trained on obsolete equipment?'

'Good night, Dear. Text me if you need anything.'

"I'll get up in negative five minutes."

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"It's called, 'Goth'."

The Life and Times of Miley Cyrus

"Recess does things to a man."

Wow. Totaled. Teen Test Dummy.

“Dad, I think I’ve finally found Gsus.”

"I hate you! You don't understand me and you don't understand my software!"

Timpani.