Young Slugger Gifts

'I was up twice and got one hit, which gives me an lifetime average of 500!'

"What's more important to my success as a child, Dad - improving my batting skills or your dumb ol' window?"

'Thou shalt not steal...except for bases.'

"Remember, kids, it's not winning that matters, it's getting a clean urine sample that's important."

"All this pitching and hitting- I'm convinced there's a deeper meaning to it all."

"There will be a winning team and a losing team. Are you OK with that?"

"Gracie, I'm proud of you. Your team lost, but you tried your best and that's all that counts."

'I hate it when they emulate their major league heroes.'

The Giamatti era

'Don't just stand there, get into focus!'

"I need to buy a faster fastball."

Baseball Dreams

'Well, Jimmy, it's your turn to go get it.'

"I know I told you to fool him into thinking you've got nothing left, but now you've got me convinced."

'No, Billy, their first baseman is messing with your head. You won't go to hell for stealing second.'

'I thought you invited me to play T-ball!'

'Both benches have emptied, and now the brawl is spreading to the spectators!'

'Play your best. There's going to be a scout for the ten year olds in the stands!'

"A little high and inside."

Combing Baseball and Violin Practice.

'Sixteen home runs, 34 runs batted in, and nine stolen bases. I'd call that being good.'

Fans Desperately Try To Catch A Baseball

"Will the witness please refrain from shagging flies."

"Does your client wish to plead 'sweet' or 'lame'?"

Window in the Outfield.

'Are you the person I see about getting a sign-up bonus and a salary?'

"Maybe Papi will believe it was a drive-by pitch."

'This pitcher throws screwballs. Better hand me my 'special' bat.'

"You still need that recipe for boiling water?"

'It's not my fault that baseballs are juiced these days!'

"There it is Derek,....our nemesis!"

Monks Playing Cricket.

"Coach says I'll never make it to the majors. My spitting and scratching need a lot of work."