Young Professor Gifts

"...and here are the winners: child of doctor, child of scientist, child of doctor..."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

'Hmph. College kids.'

'Does this have anything to do with Einstein's theory of relativity?'

"If a third grader knows the answer, how much of a problem can it really be?"

"According to mom the answers are all in this book!" "Too bad there's no pictures at which to look!"

"I'll bet all of Albert Einstein's teachers felt like idiots for giving him bad grades too."

'When I grow up, I'm either going to be an authority figure or an unimpeachable source.'

Boy and girl at thier studies

"Make a lot of money."

'Desert island cartoons - and you?'

'Tastes like cherry kool-aid, what's it do?'

U of Debt

"I feel I've outgrown this facility, Mrs. Thompson. Could we see what else is around?"

"Okay, that's enough Physics for one day. Take a break and chase your tails."

"Could I ask just one question?"

(When I'm good I'm very very good, but when I'm bad I'm... Well….) (Horrid?)

University Soapflakes

"So, what does everyone think of XX81's suggestion for increased funding into AI research?"

Need Supercomputer to finish my PhD, Please Help.

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

'Son, it's time we had that little talk about ornithology and entomology.'

"I have a recurring nightmare that I've taken a test, and the professor won't give me an 'A'."

"You know what happens when you make good grades? They send you to another school called college."

"That's Brian Eggleston, de facto leader of the playground intelligentsia."

'The sound of one hand clapping.'

Building Sandcastles.

'I made a good grade in creative writing, but I didn't do very well in creative spelling.'

"I understand the revisionists are hot on your trail, Professor Delauney."

"If wisdom comes with age, what are we doing here at eight and a half?"

'I'd like to challenge the test.'

'Before we start, I'd like legal representation.'

'Unemployed math grad. Will solve quadratic equations for food."

"Remember, education pays, unless you end up an adjunct - like me."

Personnel. I've heard of "magna cum laude" and "summa cum laude," but I've never heard of a person graduating "persona non grata." (Published originally on June 3, 1981.)