You Had One Job Gifts

REcalculating...

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

'Do you think, perhaps, that we could start shooting for a few longer-term goals around here?'

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'I'll be late for dinner, dear, I'm up to my neck in paperwork.'

37 years in the same position.

"Don't flutter your little wings on company time."

'Had I known Hell was going to be exactly like work, I probably wouldn''t have spent as much time there.'

Working hours.

'I play so hard that I have no time to work hard.'

'I work two jobs and have three kids. At the end of the day I am exhausted. Do you have anything that is not sexy and just smells good.'

Overworked in the office

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'These are job perks.'

Time for More Paperwork

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

Office slaves.

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Yes, I saw the obituary. So, is that why you weren't in yesterday?"

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

'I keep very close touch with the office in case things are running too smoothly without me.'

City Boy.

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

Motivation to work

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

Late/Too Late.