Job Reassignment Gifts

Reassigned pending an investigation.

"Your former boss says you lack empathy - I'm putting you in HR."

"We're moving you to another office, Norman."

"Miracles happen, gentlemen, but they don't come cheap."

'Our parents were replaced by machines - We'll be replaced with new software.'

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

'AT&T? I'm letting you go. I'm down-sizing too!'

Work Parfait

'They sold the company in 2001? I was wondering why things were slow.'

Royal Mail boss to become ITV boss.

"Welcome aboard, Bailey. Don't worry — they don't bite."

'The staff is being reduced. The exit strategy will be explained at a meeting to be held, after work, in the parking lot.'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

'It's a lateral move, you'll now be getting all of Kramer's work too.'

'Poor Kleinzweck -- his working hypothesis got laid off.'

'Upset at you for breaching the non-compete? Of course not.'

'The shareholders have voted you off the board. We don't feel you're tough enough. On the bright side, you've won this year's Miss Congeniality award.'

'Do you want to tell them their department is being downsized again, or should I?'

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

"Of course you can resign Ferguson. How would you like to buy back your freedom? Cash, credit card or easy payments?"

'A computer is only as good as the people who are employed to replace the people who were made redundant by the computer.'

"Hiring someone to replace me and then expecting me to train him just doesn't sit well with me."

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

PERSONNEL, 'Why did you leave your previous employment?', 'They asked too many questions!'

"Hire a cost cutting, bad-guy consultant to turn me into a good guy during the layoffs."

"Peterson proposes we move out of the mountains."

The number one injury in today's workplace: severe bends caused by repeated exposure to deep-dive presentations.

'Perkins, we're getting rid of some of the dead wood around here.'

'Your main goal in this job is getting out alive.'

"Ron didn't realise he was so popular."

Businessman sees door sign 'Department of Mismanagement and Overbudget'.

We're looking for someone who knows how to adapt, not adopt.

"Sorry, Foster, but I'm letting you go. I just downloaded the 'Scapegoat' app."