Yoga Joker Gifts

'I want you to touch your toes ten times a day.'

Hungry Panda Thirsty Hippo Curious Sloth

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"OK, ready to go again?"

Joust Sharpener

"I have to rest. The 'check engine' light on my activity tracker just came on."

"How long were you in that headstand?"

Jogging Bottoms

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'

"I'm making him take a spin class."

Unicyclist painting a ceiling.

'George, stop playing with the children.'

'The doctor is running a little late this morning; but a couple more laps around the park and he should be back at his desk.'

'I've met you before...I'm not good with names, but I never forget a pace!'

" ... and if we finish pillaging early enough, we can still catch the evening Zumba class on the after deck."

Ecotourism.

"What did I tell you about practicing on the cat?"

HM Prison chapel, "try to think of the lord as a 24 hour video surveillance system gathering pictures for the ultimate crimewatch"

'Golly, is it that time already?'

Joe's Gym: 'Can anyone here open this jar of pickles!?'

Eucharist

"Here there is all the bacon, pizza and beer you could desire. But do not eat from the Tree of Tofu lest you should lose paradise."

Color-Rectal Exams for Baboons...

Ants stealing from the picnic.

"I've been telling everyone how athletic you are."

Musclesnakes just swallow the dumbbells.

'There are two types of cholesterol - the good type, then the one you've got.'

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

And the Lord said: 'I created the universe. What on earth makes you think I'll be impressed by a dead goat?'

False encouragement.

"I agree, it is important to look good, but wearing high heels during a workout may be a little counter productive."

"Avoid sitting."