Fitness Joker Gifts

'I thought you needed some exercise, so I packed 800 pounds of weights in your backpack.'

10K Run: Smoker's Lane.

"And for exercise, I walk around the block a few times every day."

"You know I always sit there for my keep fit programme!"

'Body-building is great, unfortunately, now I'm stuck in my shell...'

Man out of breath, Breathtaking Views

Personal Trainer

Cartoon showing a man swimming, when another swimmer has dived, bounced off his stomach and smashed through the ceiling.

"I think that might be more of a 'six barrel' than a 'six pack'."

"Nice try, but I'm afraid running-mascara doesn't count as exercise."

"When you said you were up to 50 laps, I was impressed. But that was until I saw the size of your pool."

'This exercise bike's brilliant - it's MOTORISED!'

Tom awakens to find he's sprouted cute little suitcase-style wheels to match his love handles.

"It's not a fitness fad. They don't want to lose connectivity."

Your Weight 1c/Whatever Weight You want 25c.

'Exercise time.'

"Mr. Behan. . . I think you misunderstood '8 am Coffee Session'."

"The diet pills were expensive and didn't work...I lost 200 pounds!"

Gym. Spa. Unfortunately, the only hot tub I was in there was my own sweaty reflection in one of their mirrors.

"Yeah. I'm into fitness. Fittin' dis whole sammich in my mouth."

"Exercise ball? No thanks, I'm growing my own."

Banana Split...

'Which one of you told Glurk to stretch before running?'

"OK, ready to go again?"

". . . So that's 4 birdies, 1 eagle, 2 ferrets and a rabbit!"

"I'll faithfully follow any diet plan as long as you also prescribe medical marijuana."

'Actually I'm a nerdivore. I only eat your lamer plants and animals: duckbill platypi, cumquats, daffodils, the occasional mudshark.'

Staff. Manager. So then you must say "I refuse to lift weights." Hey, that's not what I expected when I hired you to be a resistance training instructor!

'I'm going to try that 'vegan' thing, Joe -- give me some beer nuts.'

Jogging Bottoms

"He says that when he had a vegetable salad as an appetizer, he can now have burgers, pizza and Coke as a reward."

"I tried the C25k but prefer the 5k2C"

'Cut down on sodium? I'm taking that with a pinch of salt.'

"I'm thinking about letting myself get old."

'Geez, I hate these fun runs!'