Yeti Enthusiast Gifts

Once Cute, once handsome, once tall and lithe, once given to optimism

He's been working out and eating right. His waistline is trim and he's strengthened his core. He has a right to be proud of himself. But I'm not going to do what he wants and start calling him the "Abdominal Snowman." (Published originally on November 17, 2013).

'You're standing on his foot.'

'Read this expert opinion - the glaciers are melting.'

'Call THAT abominable - you ain't seen my Ma-in-law!'

Abominable Snow Dog.

Down from the Himalayas, where the glaciers are not melting, the vacationing yeti basks in the global warming of Washington DC.

"Since global warming the Abominable Snowman is much less frightening than he used to be."

"On the plus side, the abominable snowmen know the area, and they work for next to nothing."

"When even the abominable snowman has had enough, its time for us to turn back."

"And, when the DNA test results arrived, the woman realized her so-called 'little terrier mix' had been part German shepherd all along."

"I brought back important data on that blue planet called Earth."

Yoyo sheep

Sales.

'Top of the line sport shoes: They've improved my top speed by 0.5 kmh...'

'You know, if you had one of those bumper stickers, I wouldn't be in doggy-therapy.'

'I can 'YO', but the second 'YO' isn't working!'

'What do you mean you're the new Paediatric Specialist?'

I'm carrying a tiki torch for you!

"We no longer have to hide. Bigfoot hunters now only search for us online. It's going to be lonely around here."

Easter Island moai as cocktails.

Yoyos

Yo Yo Tricks.

"I hope he's wearing pants."

Yo-Yo Sales

"The legend is true. Bigger Foot exists."

W. B. Yeats

'Rest assured, this hotel is second to none in providing for all the creature comforts.'

"Now that we've fermented coconut milk, so we build a boat or a tiki bar?"

Myths and Other Urban Legends

'Stop annoying the dog Andrew!'

'They should have extra-small thermometers for Yorkies, Doctor!'

Cleaner looking at flow chart of Yoyo sales. The line of sales is going up and down.

'Son, you need to describe the boy who took your yo-yo to our Etch-A-Sketch artist.'

"The Yeti probably thinks he can hide in plain sight, which, of course, is impossible. But he's much too stupid to know that."