Year-end Review Gifts

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

"Well, another year is coming to a close. I'd like to thank you for a job well done, Nemesis." "I just serve coffee." "Yes, but you do it so poorly, as if you have the coordination of a two-year-old. And every word out of your mouth is vapid and narcissistic. Day in and day out, you have provided me with a slovenly example of youth that makes me feel very, very good to be old. So... good job." "Thank you for being you, loser!" "I love being important."

'Would you like your books cooked?'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I look at this as practice for when there actually is something to celebrate."

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"I hate performance review season."

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

'We're holding our own, but I'd really like to see some growth.'

Business is off the chart.

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"At least we are consistently inconsistent."

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"Just our luck. We finally see the 'feel good' movie of the year and it's December."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"When you're finished with your Thanksgiving

"...and right here in Q2 is where the 'you know what' hit the fan. . ."

And here is where we stooped to the level of the competition.

"It's been a bit of a roller coaster year so far."

'Congratulations, gentlemen! Sales have held steady for another quarter.'

"And while violations of our ethical code were up sharply this year, I think it's important to remember that last year we were amazingly ethical."

Save the earth/Make Money.

Old year sits by 'Out' box, and new year sits by 'In' box in office.

Stock market worries.

"Those who forget history are doomed to repeat it. So let's all do our best to forget how great last year's revenues were."

Next year we have to turn it around

"You've been vital to our great year. Your bonus is whatever you can carry out by midnight."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

The Department Chairs react to the budget cuts.

"I'm sorry, Harrigan, But a man's gotta do what a man's accountant says he's gotta do."

It's a Happy Quarter