Year Review Gifts

"It's been a bit of a roller coaster year so far."

'This time we're going to do things right. And if that doesn't work, we'll just go back to stealing.'

"Maybe now, we could look at customer care'?"

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

'Looks like your cash cow just got diverted to the slaughterhouse.'

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I hate performance review season."

"It's confusing when everybody has a pointer."

Fred wonders if he should go see what's happening in accounting.

'Not bad, Ms. Newborn. But take another crack at it, and this time remember that 'earnings-per-share' is the alter upon which all other numbers are sacrificed.'

'If sales don't improve incrementally... our business outlook will change excrementally...'

"Good morning Rudy. I suppose you're wondering why I've summond you....It's time for your annual performance review...."

"Personally, I'd like to hire you, Mike, but the company has some serious concerns about your core competencies!"

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

'Now, if you would all put on your glasses, we'll get a glimpse of our profits in 3D.'

Okay, start shouting them in for their annual bonuses.

"And, while there's no reason yet to panic, I think it only prudent that we make preparations to panic."

'I'll review your salary next spring.'

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

"It's time for your performance review where I damn you with faint praise."

"Your records indicate a great deal of early promise however you've apparently become old and bald."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'

"Let me level with you. I am a lecherous, incompetent, alcoholic, overpaid, sexist senior executive. The company has put me in your way to test your countervailing potential."

"Our company is going to embrace cutting edge change...that's why the room is full of old white guys waiting for me to load a motivational video into a VCR."

"Take it. It's your bonus."

"Before we start our wages negotiation talks, the lads would like to congratulate the chairman on his 83% salary increase."

'The bank's grown, and we hope you'll grow with us.'

Falling Prices

'Lately I've detected an alarming disinterest in your work.'

'Your efforts, and the little Latin quotes you drop into your email, have not gone unrecognized.'

Next year we have to turn it around

Jeff hated performance reviews.