Year-end Gifts

Well, another year is coming to a close. I'd like to thank you for a job well done, nemesis. I just serve coffee. Yes, but you do it so poorly, as if you have the coordination of a two-year-old. And every word out of your mouth is vapid and narcissistic. Day in and day out, you have provided me with a slovenly example of youth that makes me feel very, very good to be old. So ... good job. That you for being you, loser! I love being important.

It's a Happy Quarter

Year End Sales

'Quick! We need a bigger chart in here!'

Things-to-do-today: Daily workboxes piled up on desk.

"We're experienced an extraordinary amount of growth this year."

"Although technically it's a profit and loss statement, the narrative is admittedly rather one-sided."

'The Board has chosen you to handle the restructuring because you have no heart.'

"I hate performance review season."

'I had a thought. Let's scrap everything and start a new fiscal year right now.'

The Salesman

'These are the end of year figures recollected in tranquility.'

"To summarize the year: we were taken over, we took over, we were taken over and we took over."

"Our new information management system has just worked out where we wasted most money last year. . . It was on the new information management system."

"We've had a major development this year that I'm excited to share with the employees."

"I can hardly wait...TWO WHOLE weeks without having to deal with mindless e-mails, incessant interruptions, boring meetings...."

Plan 'A', Plan 'B' - "I say we should go with plan 'A', sir."

"How is the budget forecast looking?"

"We've developed a five year plan that includes ample provisions for another five year plan if this one doesn't work."

Smiling businessman with rising profits

"It's swings and roundabouts – one goes up the other goes down."

But under a different accounting convention ...

'Like it? I LOVED it! The narrative gripped me from the first sentence and didn't let go until the final, heart-stopping page! And the CHARACTERS! Without question, Harris, this is the finest year-end financial report you've ever written!'

End of Year Figs.

Forms I cannot deal with / Forms I will not deal with

"It all looks fine to me."

'Here are some bonus checks. Distribute them unfairly.'

Worried man looking at stock market chart on his computer screen with office party going on in the background.

Economic Downturns

"I wouldn't stand there, if I were you."

"Sorry, you can't cash in your vacation time. Since you didn't use it, tell it Bon Voyage!"

"Just our luck. We finally see the 'feel good' movie of the year and it's December."

'Uh, yeah, the picture resolution is great.'

Bank Loans - Thank you, I shall always be in your debt.

'I had a great year and I wasn't even trying.'