Year Connoisseur Gifts

'No, no not the 93..try the 91 it was a better year!'

The First Annual Game Show Week.

I'm getting an ample full taste... I'm getting whimsical... I'm getting 'red'

"I was really impressed by the way you sent back the wine, though it did come in second to the waiter's uppercut."

" . . . and white, not yellow. Block, not shredded. Aged, but not too aged that it doesn't slice well."

At Mary Higgins Clark's book club.

A lot of attention gets paid to the Earl of Sandwich, and rightfully so, but let's not forget to show some respect for that neglected Lord of Lunch, the Viscount of Potato Salad.

Personnel. Are you familiar with "flex time"? Just the usual kind -- slow workdays and fast weekends.

"We only shop brick and mortar because my husband likes to be disgruntled face-to-face when returning things."

Big deal! If you were smart, you'd have waited for the price of gold to go up. Everyone's a critic.

'Your baseball card has more value than you do.'

'To you it may contain 'a surfeit of soluble, optically active carbohydrates derives from higher alcohols'. To me, it's sweet.'

Now Showing: "Mucky Wucky" Rated Z. That means Roger Ebert slept through it.

"It's from our 'Time Management' trainer. He's double booked and can't come!"

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Honey, I fear, to be a European patriot means a little more than having a German beer for breakfast, Italian pizza and French wine for lunch and Spanish brandy for dinner...'

"That's a nice little book. It didn't waste too much of my time."

"It's not just a special advertising section,- it's a very special advertising section."

"If you want to spend a little more, here's one that comes with a trust fund."

"Oh, I was looking for something with a little more hay."

Yeah, last words are like snappy comeback --- You always think of the best ones after it's too late!

"Touché, Roy. A snappy riposte will be winging its way to you as soon as possible."

"What kind of moviemaking do we want to reinforce?"

'Brilliant! Iconic 20th century imagery dripping with 21st century sarcasm.'

'I ordered it from the catalog.'

Your big moment on Altra Gameshow

Donut Eating Contest

'And, as you taste the wine, various sensations are recorded and transmitted to your brain for later befuddlement.'

"Pick any three items and they're yours"

Cheeseboard mouse trap

Photocopying a chippendale calender - "She's running our of muscle toner."

"I haven't read them all but I've read enough to get the general idea."

Doric, Ionic, and Ironic columns.

"It's from Neiman-Marcus. We've been pre-approved to receive their catalog."

Stern looking woman sitting at a service window labeled "Complaints".