Xmas Economist Gifts

"The new trees were too expensive, but I got a sweet deal on this used one!"

"What do you think I can get for it on the blackboard market?"

'Ho,ho,ho, but can you be more specific?'

"It's Dr. Sadie. Go ahead, caller." "Yeah, how come you haven't said 'Merry Christmas' yet?" "Oh, that’s because I was hoping to provoke everyone who’s upset about the so-called 'war on Christmas' to spend all their time on hold waiting to castigate me. That way, all the normal people who don’t think Christmas is just another chance to play the victim can open their gifts in peace." "You're welcome, America." "Why haven't you played 'Jingle Bells' yet?"

'I hate all holidays!'

"Of course, I'm willing to negotiate. . ."

'Tom will coordinate our pre-holiday point-of-purchase displays and Mark will coordinate our post holiday point-of-return displays.'

Help! Have to pay back a big world bank loan.

"Just as I feared. Tariffs."

All I want for Christmas is a modest recovery in the GDP, along with expectations that the year-over-year growth rate will significantly improve in 2014.'

"Let's say an immediate $10.00 allowance increase plus an annual 8% cost of living raise and I'll call him off."

"Oh, as long as he needs you, Santa's a great guy. But once things slow down and he wants a little vacation time with Mrs. C., it's 'goodbye North Pole, hello crappy temp job!'"

"We can do it on the net now... so it's off to the knackery for you."

'Since you only work one night a year, it will take centuries to build up your retirement account.'

"30 million cookies and thousands of gallons of milk all in one night? Yes, I'd say we've got dietary issues to address."

'Sure, I'll take a meeting - but only if you've been very, very good,'

"I'm looking for something that the recipient will be too embarrassed to regift."

Santa using the stock exchange to keep track of stocks and bonds being good or bad as well as going up or down

There IS a Santa Claus.

Investments: Still Open to New Investors - 'A fool & his money fund.'

'Times are hard so these will have to be presents for Christmas and birthday combined!'

"Santa's trying to corner the futures market for coal in anticipation of his visit to Washington."

Christmas escape plan

'Does Santa have skype?. . . I'd like to get in some face time, so he puts me at the top of his list come December. . .'

"...Or we could give to the rich, and it would just trickle down to the poor."

"We're trying to put the fun back into filing taxes."

'First I'd like to remind you of the true meaning of christmas - profits.'

"We'd like to go somewhere that qualifies as a tax deduction."

'Stocks tumbled on the news Santa's credit rating was downgraded.'

"Twenty percent bluechips, ten percent small-caps, five percent currency hedges and the remainder in cash. Get that list to Santa right away."

"Every holiday I disable his Internet. It keeps his mind off us."

More toxic assets.

"An aluminum baseball bat? Are you kidding? With the tariffs, my raw material costs are up 25%. How about some soybeans?"

Akme National Bank: Our Assets Can Whip Your Assets.

Last week revisited. Uncle Mort, want to come over to my place for Thanksgiving? Can't. Sadie and I are having it at her place. How nice of you. What? I'd love to. What can I bring? Beautifully played, no? She'll kill me. I'd love to. How nice.