X-ray Pundit Gifts

"Hmm, well, I wouldn't worry too much. This condition is very common in your profession."

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

"Fact amnesty"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

"Is this 'pollocks'."

Orthopaedist

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

I owe you an apology for not believing you have back pain.

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

'As you can see, the CAT scan of your brain turned up positive.'

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

Alcoholic's X-Ray

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"But the good news is I've found my watch!"

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'

'Billy, no! Midterms are tomorrow!'

"Yes, we can hear well at the back, but I'd be happy to change seats with anyone who can't..."

So, what did my x-rays reveal, Doctor? Oddly enough, beneath your finished ink drawing, there was a rough sketch in blue pencil.