X-ray Pundit Pillows

Another long day down at the Bureau of Earthquake Prediction.

"Would you please step back to the machine while I make an adjustment?"

"Hurry, stop him!" (Dog running off with bone from man's x-ray).

"That's a very difficult problem to address, Ted, could you restate it as a solution?"

"I've always wondered, do light years have half the calories of regular years?"

"Fact amnesty"

'Good News. Further x-rays revealed the big shadow on your lung to your stomach.'

"Should be back soon. He's just out catching a few x-rays."

"What is it Doc, I can handle it."

"Is this 'pollocks'."

'I see the rebranded mobile methadone project got underway.'

Orthopaedist

Pie chart - What were we studying, again?

'I don't like the looks of this - there's nothing wrong.'

Why dogs are not hired to do bone scans

"The tweet you posted last night struck a chord around the world, united all factions, and basically altered the course of humanity."

"I don't like the looks of that Spot on your lung."

"And that was the news. . . But please feel free to go online and vent your spite, spread your conspiracy theories and promote your ill-informed opinions. . ."

"Of course my main concern is how the situation in Eastern Europe will affect the pennant race."

"This is our format: Three minutes to present your case, two minutes each for rebuttal, one minute for summing up, and thirty seconds for claiming victory."

Old soldiers never die. They just become TV pundits.

"Trust me I'm a Doctor."

'Good news! Your positives look negative.'

"Were the x-rays really necessary?"

"These days, professor it's "T.V. punditry or perish.""

Alcoholic's X-Ray

'Terrific commercial. I'm sold. You'll start on that medicine immediately.'

"And then I said 'Don't worry, this is perfectly safe!' Ha, ha!"

"But the good news is I've found my watch!"

'Billy, no! Midterms are tomorrow!'

'I don't want surgery...can you just touch up the x-rays?'

'It's so rare you'll need your own teleton.'